kennymccormick: (Default)
kennymccormick ([personal profile] kennymccormick) wrote2014-03-29 09:18 am

BI: accidentally write troll porn

--centaursTesticle [CT] has started trolling bootyInspector [BI]!--

CT: D--> Have any of your species managed to beat your denizens
BI: uhhhh no not yet
CT: D--> Good
BI: christophe got there but died, sucks for him lol

CT: D--> While I am uncertain if this two team game is a competition
CT: D--> Yes
CT: D--> I heard
CT: D--> That was most unfortunate
BI: yeahhhhh I mean like he's died before but
BI: dunno
BI: still sucks for a beginner hahah
CT: D--> Yes but I was lead to believe that was an unusual case
CT: D--> Involving barkbeasts and a one time ressurection
BI: yeah lol it was uhh
BI: like
BI: we reset the timeline?
BI: lol
CT: D--> So
CT: D--> You had access to some of your abilities before entering the game
BI: uhh
BI: huhh I mean like
BI: lol I guess it was kind of
BI: that kind of
BI: but different?
CT: D--> It was not your time powers that did it
BI: there were a lot of like, extenuating circumstances hahah
CT: D--> Yes
CT: D--> Christophe told me a 'massive faggot' by the name of Satan was involved
BI: man whatever satan's cool
BI: that dude is 100% chill
CT: D--> But as he did not become a player I find I don't really care
CT: D--> Chill is for sopor fiends
BI: lol dude I dunno you're kinda chill
CT: D--> What
CT: D--> I am e%tremely active
CT: D--> And maintain both physical and mental discipline
CT: D--> Unless you meant in b100d color and body temperature
CT: D--> In which case yes I am quite chilled
BI: I meant more like
BI: not flipping the fuck out all the time?
CT: D--> Oh
CT: D--> I do do that
BI: lol for real
CT: D--> I just prefer to do it on inanimate objects
CT: D--> Than other trolls
BI: that's cool, I can dig it
CT: D--> It is what I build robots for
BI: like a punching bag?
CT: D--> No
BI: oh yeeeahhh you said that
CT: D--> Those break far too quickly
BI: the fighting robots
CT: D--> Yes
CT: D--> Although it has caused some unintended damage to others
CT: D--> It was my own over-zealous punching of robots that killed my lusus
CT: D--> And my neighbors lusus
CT: D--> But as both are sprites now, that seem to be immortal, that a%ident cannot be repeated
BI: that sucks dude
BI: I mean like it's good they're here and all but still
CT: D--> At least now they can talk
CT: D--> With a%ual words
BI: instead of like
CT: D--> Did any of you humans get the chance to use your lusii as sprites
CT: D--> Erm, your bizzare human lusii
BI: uhhh no our parents stayed back home : -/
BI: kyle prototyped his brother tho lol
CT: D--> Oh
BI: his mom's gonna kill him, damn
CT: D--> I think that was e%plained to me
CT: D--> A brother is
CT: D--> A human ine%plicably raised by the same human lusii
BI: yeah it's like
BI: if your parents have more than one kid
BI: they raise them all together
CT: D--> But how do they direct resources
CT: D--> What if one child needs serving at the same time as another
CT: D--> I feel your lusii w001d not live up to their duties if they had the distra%ion of another long term child to care for
BI: uhhh like, at dinner?
CT: D--> In life
BI: like you eat together lol
BI: uh
CT: D--> My own lusus was an e%emplery butler and manservent
BI: oh yeah lol it's different
BI: most people don't have butlers
BI: no wait maybe the Blacks did, shit,
CT: D--> Why not
BI: but most people no
BI: cuz it's a lot of money?
BI: hahaah
BI: and like, I dunno, it's just not like, common or whatever the fuck
CT: D--> I see
CT: D--> So only the highborn c001d obtain butler lusii
CT: D--> To properly serve and raise them
BI: yeah sure we'll go with that
CT: D--> I suppose that seems fitting
BI: your parents only get a butler if you're rich
BI: kind of works lol
CT: D--> Oh
CT: D--> The butler itself is not the parent
BI: nooo dude like
BI: lol well my mom was always bitching that we thought she was our maid hahah
CT: D--> Perhaps you required a better one
CT: D--> Although craven and cowardly when I got angry, Arthour was a magnificent caretaker
CT: D--> Who knew his place and did his service well
BI: so like the troll kids are the boss of the house?
BI: man that's some like home alone shit right there
CT: D--> Of course
CT: D--> The fauna are magnificent but we can hardly e%pect them to order a troll around
CT: D--> They cannot even speak
BI: yeahhh I guess, lol
BI: with humans the parents are the boss cuz they gotta like
BI: make sure you learn to wash your hands and not spill beer on the couch and shit
CT: D--> F001ishness
CT: D--> The adults raising children will be too busy to do their duty to the army
CT: D--> Unless only the old and infirm are allowed to create children before they are culled
BI: uhhh well like all the kids I knew who were army brats usually like, their mom stayed home while the dad was deployed?
CT: D--> That's still half the population taken away from the army
CT: D--> F001ish
CT: D--> Nonsensical
BI: dude like only like,
BI: I don't even know like a quarter of people work for the government maybe ?
CT: D--> What
BI: not me, damn, that would've way beaten the fucking gas station
CT: D--> I do not understand
CT: D--> Do you mean to say they only get drafted for a portion of their lives
CT: D--> And only a quarter of your population are in active service at any given time
BI: nah dude nobody's been drafted since like, nam
CT: D--> What is nam
BI: it was a war haha
BI: like a shitty one lol
CT: D--> Oh
CT: D--> I take it you lost
BI: I guess like if you live in like bumfuck africa or shit they might have a draft?
BI: or the middle east or some shit?
BI: but like, America's got everybody whipped to shit
CT: D--> Then your empire conquered everything they c001d
CT: D--> But c001dn't move on to space
BI: uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
CT: D--> And so..stopped raising an army
CT: D--> Is that it
BI: yeah
BI: yeah that kind of
BI: like america kind of owns the whole world even if christophe and gregory'll get mad if you say it lol
BI: but between like, nukes and mcdonalds it's kind of true dude
CT: D--> Christophe admited to me his country had lost wars
CT: D--> It seems strange they would still exist if that had happened
CT: D--> Alternia destroys and enslaves anything it defeats
BI: lol like space nazis or shit, yeah
CT: D--> Yes
BI: I mean like, it's probably different cuz french people are still humans y'know?
BI: like if you guys are conquering like marklar or shit
BI: (ps that'd be a dick move man)
BI: then, like, y'all are blood racist so not adopting the marklar into the whole
BI: thing
BI: yeah.
CT: D--> We have had wars with other trolls
CT: D--> Well
CT: D--> Rebellions more than wars
BI: hahah no shit?
CT: D--> The Summoner rebellion was partic001arly violent
CT: D--> And what made the empire move all adults off the home planet
BI: lol what
BI: how the fuck's that work dude like, no adults?
CT: D--> When reaching adulthood all trolls are drafted into the imperial fleet and put in the job that best suits them
CT: D--> And they live out their lives conquering or colonizing for the empire
BI: lol damn
BI: so who like
CT: D--> And most importantly, the lowb100ds friendships and associations from youth are broken up
BI: makes like. dunno
CT: D--> Even if they had been planning anything close to the summoners rebellion together
CT: D--> They will be shipped off to different parts of space
BI: all those porns and stuff if everybody's in the arm
BI: y
CT: D--> The professional videos w001d be made by army funded groups
CT: D--> That allow artistic material to be made
CT: D--> To erm
CT: D--> Improve troop morale
BI: omfg
BI: omg join the army, make some porn
BI: sign me up for that shit ahahahahahaha way to serve your country christ dude
CT: D--> It is not a position to hold pride in
CT: D--> And you w001d only get it if that's what they deemed you best at
CT: D--> And you w001d still be e%pected to fight if your area was ever attacked
BI: oh damn
CT: D--> There are also unproffesionally made videos
CT: D--> Of that nature
CT: D--> By those with free time and a camera
BI: hahaha
BI: oh yeah
CT: D--> And no sense of shame or morals
BI: humans do those too >: )
CT: D--> Yes I heard of the videos you were sending to our team in that memo
BI: oh man to be fair dude
CT: D--> Rediculos
BI: sollux started it >: D
BI: what a bro hahah
CT: D--> He is a mustard b100d of course he has no sense of decorum
CT: D--> You sh001d not take any indication of proper troll behavior from him
CT: D--. In fact I command it
BI: dude sorry but like
BI: as a certified japanese princess I don't think you get to boss me around ahhaha
CT: D--> Hrk
CT: D--> I
CT: D--> Do not know how rank w001d transfer
BI: unless we talk about it first ;)
CT: D--> Erm
CT: D--> Are you
CT: D--> Requesting me to order you around
BI: nah cuz I know you guys don't do short term no-strings stuff
BI: too bad, damn.
CT: D--> What do you mean
BI: like. casual.
CT: D--> Cas001 what
BI: sex lol
CT: D--> HRK
CT: D--> That
CT: D--> Stranger pailing
CT: D--> With someone not even in a quadrant
BI: yeah no it's cool like I said
BI: I know that's not you guys' thing
CT: D--> it is the subject of only the most filthy
CT: D--> And debauched pornographic videos
BI: nice
CT: D--> Collected only by perverts and fetishists
BI: double nice hahaha
BI: anyway dude that's the only way orders is getting thrown around here so like, no biggie
CT: D--> Well not necessarily
CT: D--> If as you say you w001d technically
CT: D--> Outrank me
CT: D--> You w001d be free to order me
BI: sure but like
BI: dunno what for lol
CT: D--> Well
CT: D--> Erm
CT: D--> I suppose anything
CT: D--> As anyone of a higher caste can request anything from one below them
BI: no yeah yeah I got that but like
BI: like I'm all set, hahahah.
CT: D--> What
CT: D--> But your species is
CT: D--> 100dicrously behind
CT: D--> In everything
BI: lol yeah well dude can you get over here and kill the bosses for us?
BI: cuz I thought we couldn't get across
CT: D--> We can't
CT: D--> Erm
CT: D--> I suppose I c001d send a robot
BI: lol for real? that'd be cool
BI: robots are awesome >: )
CT: D--> Alright
CT: D--> The captcha code is fapB0t
BI: omfg for real
CT: D--> Yes
CT: D--> Why w001d I lie
BI: lol what kind of robot is this dude hahahaha
CT: D--> One of my fighting robots
BI: sweet!
BI: it's not gonna like kill me as soon as I alchemize it tho right
CT: D--> No, but if you wish to practice against it
CT: D--> They go right for the neck
BI: yeah that sounds super fatal lol maybe I'll hold on on that haha
CT: D--> But it sh001d not attack you unless you tell it to
CT: D--> They are rather good at following orders
CT: D--> The more forceful the better
BI: sweet
CT: D--> Are there
CT: D--> Any forceful demands you w001d like to issue
BI: to the robot or to you dude haha
CT: D--> Erm
CT: D--> Both
BI: lol well I'll probably like, fight the robot? cuz practicing is a good idea, legit
CT: D--> I see
CT: D--> And erm
CT: D--> Any orders for me
BI: uhhhhh
BI: oh lol dude you should send me whatever the raunchiest troll porn you got saved is >: D
CT: D--> HRK
CT: D--> If
CT: D--> If that is
CT: D--> A command
BI: lol do you want it to be a command?
CT: [[CentaursTesticle is attempting to send you PerfectlyinnocentrobotvideoArthourstayoutofmyfiles.vid]]
BI: awesome, dude
CT: D--> The
CT: D--> Name is misleading
BI: nah nah I hear you
CT: D--> it's just that unlike most my lusus had hands
BI: like putting playboy covers over your nasty shit hahaha
CT: D--> And at least some ability to operate machinery
BI: yah yah
BI: human parents remember, dude? totally get it
CT: D--> Erm
CT: D--> Yes
CT: D--> Although at least your lusii w001d understand what they were seeing
CT: D--> Of course that w001d make it worse I suppose
BI: dude right
BI: nothing's worse than your mom finding backdoor sluts 9 in your sock drawer
BI: for real :|
CT: D--> Yes the day I came home to find that Arthour had polished my buckets in his cleaning my room
CT: D--> It was not a mortification easily lived down
BI: oh shit dude that's the worst
CT: D--> Yes
CT: D--> I imagine it must be worse for humans, with so many of the same species living in one hive
CT: D--> You must be tripping over each others sordid material
BI: lol well you're supposed to keep it in your room, man
BI: like, private and shit
CT: D-->Erm, yes but you cannot account for every possible occurance and constantly lock your door
BI: dude right man like, my door didn't even latch half the time fucking piece of shit
BI: uhh so if you like, find somebody else's shit you're supposed to pretend you didn't
BI: and like, just pretend it never happened and everybody lives in denial hahahaha
CT: D--> My door constantly broke off it's hinges
CT: D--> I suppose that seems the most polite way of handling it
CT: D--> It still seems needlessly silly to put so many of the same species in one hive
CT: D--> I felt crowded simply having a nearbye neighbor
BI: yeahhh but I think we're like
BI: less uhh
BI: prickly
BI: than trolls?
CT: D--> Prickly
BI: I mean like you guys never have houses near each other?
BI: like need your space, whatever
CT: D--> Lowb100ds do
CT: D--> It was slightly unusual for me to live ne%t to another highb100d
CT: D--> But we had a cliff between us
BI: oh yeah that helps lol
CT: D--> But lowb100ds live in hivestems and apartments
CT: D--> But not with each other
CT: D--> That w001d be
CT: D--> Goodness that c001d be quite 100d
BI: yeah dude that sounds like a sexxy video waiting to happen hahaha
CT: D--> Yes
CT: D--> I mean living together in close quarters before joining the fleet
CT: D--> It's
CT: D--> So e%citing and disgusting to think about
BI: yeah that'd be cool tho right like
BI: don't you all live close together in your spaceships and shit?
CT: D--> They c001d be doing anything to each ohter
CT: D--> Erm
CT: D--> Lowb100ds do
CT: D--> Space ships can only be so large
CT: D--> Sometimes partic001arly violent highb100ds might share lodging with their moirail
CT: D--> I was hoping to somewhat
CT: D--> E%agerate my own temper tantrums
CT: D--> To make sure mine is stationed near me
BI: haha that's kawaii, dude
BI: that's the nekochan right?
CT: D--> AC
BI: yeah
BI: she's kawaii as shit
CT: D--> What does that word mean
BI: cute haahah
BI: but like, cute in a like
BI: not a bangable way
BI: just cute
BI: like bunnies and shit
CT: D--> Good
CT: D--> If you were e%pressing attra%ion to her I may have to hurt you
CT: D--> Her sights are set low enough as it is
BI: lol noooo dude
BI: like I said I know you guys don't do casual hookups, it's cool
BI: we were just swapping the animes
CT: D--> At least
CT: D--> We aren't supposed to
CT: D--> It w001d be
CT: D--> Scandelous
CT: D--> No one c001d ever find out
CT: D--> About the illicit lovers
CT: D--> Casting aside all social rules
CT: D--> For a night of perverse pleasure
BI: oh damn dude sounds dangerous >; )
CT: D--> It w001d not be illigal but it w001d be
CT: D--> All that trolls future quadrants w001d be thrown into question
CT: D--> And all for a night of senseless animal passion
BI: man only if they found out tho
CT: D--> Yes living in such constant fear and thrill of being caught
CT: D--> W001d only make the illicit lovers more high on their doings
BI: nice, dude
BI: very sexy
BI: sounds legit though like you just gotta find somebody who can be discrete
CT: D--> What caste are these lovers
CT: D--> In theory
CT: D--> Describe this to me
CT: D--> I command it
BI: hahahah so like
BI: oh damn ok so this is some like, fifty shades of gray thing or more like, casual beach reading thing?
CT: D--> Fifty shades of gray
CT: D--> Why w001d a book on what skin colorations e%ist be related
BI: nah it's the name of a book and also a really hot podcast reading or some shit I was listening to that in the car for like two weeks
BI: but I'm thinking that's probably how it would go anyway hahaha right
BI: so like, ok, no strings attached hookups troll style here
CT: D--> Yes
CT: D--> Relay this story to me
CT: D--> That is an order
BI: dude you don't have to order me I'm thinking
BI: also don't make me break out the tiara here
CT: D--> Are you
CT: D--> Ordering me to stop ordering you
BI: yeah cuz it's killing my idea buzz
CT: D--> Alright
CT: D--> I shall
CT: D--> Abide by your orders
BI: sweet ok : )
BI: so in no strings attached: fifty shades of troll you've got some uhh
BI: ok he'd be one of the blues, cuz the fish guys seem really high strung in the totally opposite way
CT: D--> What shade of b100
CT: D--> Cer001ian or Indigo
BI: the
BI: idk indigo that's easier to spell
CT: D--> Yes
CT: D--> Good
BI: ok so mr indigo here is a super like, rich and powerful uhhhh army business dude with a high stress position in the part of the army that doesn't make porn, right
CT: D--> Is he
CT: D--> An Archeradicator
BI: sure
CT: D--> E%cellent
BI: cool so the indigo arachnidator or whatever is like, damn, you know, he's stressed and busy and it's hard to take the time to find like, a long term committed thing with another blue troll
BI: cuz you gotta do the whole coffee thing, and then three dates, etc etc
CT: D--> Erm
CT: D--> How has he reached adulthood without being culled
BI: maybe he had a girlfriend earlier and she like
CT: D--> For not having a matesprit and kismesis
CT: D--> Was killed in battle?
BI: yeah
CT: D--> Alright
BI: but like in a really badass way
CT: D--> Good
BI: conquering the planet total like, war hero
CT: D--> Yes this indigo has e%cellent taste
BI: ok so yeah he still has needs, you know
BI: so on one of his nights off where he's not like, archerating the battleship he's in the uhh
BI: mess hall
CT: D--> Go on
CT: D--> Erm but htat is not an order unless you want it to be
BI: thinking about going back to his room for another night of like, fantasizing and maybe a ~sensual shower~
BI: and then he sees
BI: uhhhh you have a preference?
BI: her/him/etc?
CT: D--> Purple b100d
CT: D--> To put him in his place
CT: D--> Or
CT: D--> Hrk
CT: D--> Perhaps even a lowb100d
CT: D--> The scandal
BI: oh shit yeah ok a lowblood
CT: D--> Yes
CT: D--> Good
BI: but like, she's super hot for a lowblood
CT: D--> Yes
CT: D--> Carrying herself with a grace her birth did not bestow upon her
CT: D--> But she somehow comes to posess
CT: D--> From her toes to her curled horns
BI: sweet, total hottie
BI: but all like, badass inside
CT: D--> Yes
CT: D--> Perhaps she has powers
CT: D--> That can rival even the indigos STRENGTH
BI: yeah! that's why she's on the spaceship instead of in some shitty like, shitty ship lol
BI: ok so their eyes totally meet across the hall
BI: sizing each other up
BI: it could totally never work cuz even if she's a badass I mean like, she's got bad blood and what would people think
BI: it'd be a mess for both of them
BI: (this is all like, silently exchanged with their gazes and shit)
CT: D---> It w001d be
CT: D--> unthinkable
BI: but
BI: they're still thinking it
CT: D--> E%cuse me for a moment I need to refresh my supply of towels
BI: no prob :)
CT: D--> I have returned with an adaquite supply
CT: D--> I hope
BI: cool cool
BI: so he gets up to leave, because, like, he's all respectable and knows it can't work out as a whole dating square thing
CT: D--> Yes
CT: D--> If she's redb100ded even a kissmesis w001d be una%eptable
BI: yeah
BI: but oh shit who's that in the hallway
BI: but this lowblooded chick, standing all proud and haughty and sexy
CT: D--> Pride unbefitting her station but
CT: D--> She will not obey his commands
CT: D--> And instead turns her tongue to order him instead
BI: right
BI: so she's like, "your room, ten minutes."
BI: not even asking wtf
CT: D--> Oh
CT: D--> Oh my
CT: D--> Such forcefullness
CT: D--> To such a STRONG indigo archeradicator
BI: yeah so he goes back to his like, spaceroom thing, and there she is, cuz she knows all the maintenance crew cuz they're lowbloods and one of them let her in I guess
BI: and she's like, I saw you looking at me
BI: cuz she did and is super sassy
CT: D--> How c001d he tear his eyes away
CT: D--> The light from twin moons shining in her hair
CT: D--> long and curled
CT: D--> Grace and commanding nature dripping from her very being
CT: D--> Eager to put the lash to any highb100ds she wishes
BI: totally
BI: but mr indigo's no dummy either here like, he's got his pride too
BI: so he's like, we can never be a thing, this isn't going to work
CT: D--> Of course
BI: even tho he totally wants her
CT: D--> A beast as fine and large as he cannot be broken to saddle so easily
BI: ( oh shit dude yeeahh little pony play there nice )
CT: D--> Erm
CT: D--> What
BI: ( lol I'll show you later )
BI: ok so he's like, no way this can be a square thing
BI: and she's like, I'm not interested in being your square date.
BI: ~~only you, only now~~
CT: D--> Yes
CT: D--> Yes this is good
BI: and for a second he's all like, omg how can this work, this is totally depraved etc etc
CT: D--> Does she
CT: D--> Hit him
CT: D--> To end his objections
BI: but she's not backing down, man. she looked into his eyes and stripped him down and knows what he wants, even if he says it otherwise
BI: so yeah she totally slaps him
BI: or, I dunno, fists? you guys have thicker skin so...?
CT: D--> Fists
CT: D--> And telikinesis
BI: ohhhhh yeah
CT: D--> She c001d hold the very air from his breath
CT: D--> If she wanted
BI: yeah but for now she's gonna like, pin him to the wall with her powers
BI: and also shred his uniform or whatever the fuck they wear on spaceships.
CT: D--> It w001d be something like this
CT: [[CentaursTesticle is trying to send you ArcheradicatorsUniform.gif]]
BI: yeah nice so that gets like, ripped off from like shoulder to thigh so she can totally see everything that's going on hahah
CT: D--> Everything
BI: yeah dude everything it's supposed to be sexy
CT: D--> So his
CT: D--> Bulge is out
BI: if that's like, what should be happening then go for it man
CT: D--> And his nook is visible and properly lubricated from his disgusting and abhorrent but unavoidable attraction
BI: this is a collaborative fiction here
CT: D--> How big is his bulge
BI: gonna defer to you on this one dude sorry I don't have a good sample size hahah
BI: or else we can go with human standard fantasy of a foot lol
CT: D--> We will assume
CT: D--> Very large
BI: cool sounds good
CT: D--> Even for a post pupation indigo
BI: aw yeahhh
CT: D--> And how large is hers
BI: ahahahahahaha huge
CT: D--> yes
CT: D--> Larger than his
BI: lol yeah we're talking hentai sizes here
BI: ok so like, his huge junk is all out and active and like even tho he's this badass blue dude and she's way low class she's totally got him, and she leans up and touches his bare skin and is like, tonight, you'll be the one who's low
CT: D--> Yes this
CT: D--> This is e%actly how it sh001d go
CT: D--> Continue
CT: D--> I order you to continue
CT: D--> Erm
CT: D--> Unless you wish to order me to not order you
CT: D--> Again
CT: D--> Only more forcefully
BI: hahaha it's all good dude we're gonna continue this on to the end
BI: ok so normally he would like, uh, be like how dare you
CT: D--> But she overwhelmed him
CT: D--> Entirely
CT: D--> Physically and mentally
BI: but he's mostly naked and stuck to the wall and there's no lying at this point and she's just-- yeah totally
CT: D--> He is nothing but her plaything now
BI: she's got the whole thing in the palm of her hand and did from the second their eyes met
BI: he can only surrender to it hahaha
CT: D--> Yes
CT: D--> Yes this is e%actly
CT: --CentaursTesticle has accidentally crushed his computer!!--
BI: lol whoops